Win Like a Boss
The Loser’s Guide to Winning Like a Boss!
You’ve no doubt seen the motivational posts all over the Internet. Win the Morning, Win the Day! That’ a book by Tim Ferriss apparently. Now I’m not saying he doesn’t know what he’s talking about, because he’s clearly better informed, better connected and definitely better paid than me. Twat. Only messing. He seems like a cool guy on the six-minute YouTube video that I half-watched. I feel like we’re family now. One more video and we’ll be step brothers. Forget speed-dating when you can bond with strangers through digital media. Anyway, I digress…
He’s also done that other book that blew up: The 4-Hour Work Week. Let’s be honest, you can’t squeeze a full 40 hours down into 4, otherwise every company in the world would have done it years ago. I suppose that isn’t the point really, is it? That’s a click bait heading without the click, if you buy the book. All he’s saying is we can do more with less if we really try.
If you saved up all your toilet breaks for the next six months, you could have a week’s holiday in Spain.
How effective can we be, though? If you saved up all your toilet breaks for the next six months, you could have a week in Spain, but you’d be sat wiping your bung hole for ten days. Your holiday would have followed into the next week due to all the pooing. Would that mean you’d be minus three days? I’m lost. Already.
Morning Wins are for Smug Office Types
I was reading another article about morning wins. They’re like cub scout badges for fifty-year-old men, but instead of getting a badge you get to feel superior for five minutes. This causes a problem. Like anything these days, morning wins are addictive so you need more and more to sustain the buzz. Eventually you become the biggest C -U -N -T in the office. (Technically that is four letters, not swearing, so please don’t report me to Blogging Standards, UK.)
They Prey on Fame Whores
Authors and life coaches, who write this morning-win stuff, like to prey on the weak and needy. Not exactly beating old age pensioners up, but they know you’re a fame whore, so they give it the old Steve Jobs routine. He didn’t go to college and he was a billionaire. Him and Bill gates. Bill the Billionaire. Well I know plenty of people that didn’t go to college and they have no teeth. They’ve also been injecting drugs for twenty years so take education seriously, regardless whether it’s from your dentist, drug dealer or local college. Education matters and so does cleaning your teeth.
Making Your Bed Everyday
Now I’m not making this shit up, but Admiral Bill McRaven of Seal Team Six fame, recommends making your bed everyday. Why? Well apart from being tidy it will help you feel a sense of pride. Now that is probably true, but the reason the authors want to tell you about this is because they know you love Rambo. They know that all boys wanted to be Navy SEALs when they got older.
And before you get smug on me, yes, I know John J Rambo was a Green Beret not a Navy SEAL.
Truth is, though, if you’re a special warfare operator because you can make your bed, then I’m a climate change scientist because I’ve watched flat earth theory on YouTube. I’m also a rally driver, because I’ve watched videos of Walter Rohrl heel-and-toe his Audi A2 up Pikes Peak Hill Climb. Sometimes the furthest thing from the truth is, well, the truth.
Getting up at 5 a.m. Every Day
This is the smuggest win of them all. Yep, the clever twerp who rises at 5 a.m. is usually the biggest arsehole in the whole office. Crikey, I usually go to bed at 5 a.m. then get up at 6.30 a.m. Not every day of course, otherwise I’d be dead, but looking back I always got through the day. The dude who got up early always went to bed early; they’re only sacrificing their own free time for sleep and work. Sad bastards.
Don’t get me wrong, I admire people who do a good job and represent themselves and the company at the best of their ability. They are entitled to be proud of themselves, but not every bloody day.
A saying I once heard was from a painter, when I was working as a building site manger. He said that his friend used to say he was paid an average wage for an average day’s work. No more. No less.
You can’t be sacked for being average.
When I thought about it, he was right. Not saying it was the best attitude, but he was only joking in fairness, but it’s true. You can’t be sacked for being average. They can only sack you for being the worst person in the company.
Insomnia is a Nightmare
At my worst, I was sleeping only four hours a night during the week and staying up all weekend from Friday morning until Monday morning. Nothing to be proud of, but it made me think about my health and how I was still able to operate. It’s amazing what the human body can survive.
Only since I’ve been finished from a nine-to-five job and concentrating on my writing have I started dreaming again.
It’s literally been years since I last had any dreams because I didn’t reach REM sleep. Lesson learned. Please take care of your sleep patterns because once you get older it becomes harder to sleep. Not to mention tinnitus. That’s enough to drive anyone crazy on its own without insomnia as well. The pair of them together is like living through a Saw movie.
Tips for Winning Like a Boss
To go back to the original article that I read, jokes aside, it’s got some great advice for anyone wishing to get a leg up on the competition. You no doubt already know the drill…
- Get up early.
- Make your bed.
- Work out.
- Put pen to paper.
- Eat healthily.
You could make the list bigger, of course, but there’s no need. That’s the type of stuff billionaire’s are made of – if you believe the hype.
Oh, and one last thing please, don’t go overboard with the smugness.
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